Often (very often), I sit in my tiny little world and feel so small against all the big things I want to do in life. Big ideas come in waves, tsunamis, and I feel powerless against the force of desire to act. My problem is I get overwhelmed by what it would take to set each grand idea into action that I all too often allow these great waves of inspiration to dissipate into ripples of could’ve-would’ve-should’ves. I’m a dreamer. Have always been.
I can see my dream house and all the surrounding acres of land. I get lost on Pinterest daily finding pictures of how the floors are laid and walls are painted. I found one the other day of a butler’s pantry (will I ever be fancy enough to have a butler’s pantry?)! My kids have an incredible floating hammock off the side of the house that looks out over the bay which leads us out to the Gulf of Mexico. We will take boating trips in the Gulf weekly. This house and the life attached it is grand. I’m a dreamer. Have always been.
My mother taught me to be a giver. To give things. To give time. To give myself. Whatever is needed, however I can, just give. I see needs all around me and want to be the source of help for that person. I dream of making grand gestures of love, taking away the child’s hunger, the grieving mama’s heartache, the friends need for just a little more money to meet this month’s bills. Throughout my life I’ve received so much grace from God and others around me and believe it’s my privilege to be able to pass on this grace to someone else. But I see these great needs and do not have the great means to meet them. I have plans already laid out for my winning lottery ticket. One day when I hit it big we are gonna dance a dance of grace like nobody’s business. I’m a dreamer. Have always been.
My current wave of inspiration has come in the form of Monkees and I’m so proud to stand as a Monkee Mom among them. I’m crazy about this group of people and I’m allowing myself to be completely overwhelmed by all that we are allowing God to do through us. I found Momastery several months ago and from the very first post I read I knew I needed to be involved. NEEDED IT. I can’t explain it any other way. God’s been speaking in His still, small voice for a long time now and I have been living in a state of unrest knowing that I was hearing Him speak but not being able to make out exactly what He was saying. It all just sounded like, “Wait, just wait. It’s coming.” Which really is the most frustrating thing a dreamer can hear. Doesn’t He know I’m a dreamer? Doesn’t He know I have always been?
It’s hard for me to wait. It’s hard for me to relinquish control. It’s hard for me to live a life 100% in God’s will. It’s really hard to admit that last one. I do strive to be in God’s will and truly want my will to be ordered by His. I start to stumble in this desire when it feels like my dreams are not His. In my humanity I have felt disappointment in realizing that something I had dreamed up didn’t fall in line with God’s dreams for me. But in my faith I have always come out on the other side thankful that God chose to lead me in a different direction because His dreams for me have ALWAYS turned out greater than what I would have done on my own. I believe at some point in time, before time began even, God was dreaming about me. He dreamed about us all. Maybe He’ll share that story with us in Heaven. How He created the very first Pinterest boards with these incredible views of what he was going to create for us and do within us. How every pin of a new idea, a new place, a new culture He knew would develop, brought just as much excitement in Him as the one before. How He had so many boards going that the angels couldn’t keep up. This universe He was dreaming up would be more than they could ever dream up themselves. Only He, the almighty, could do it. He’s a dreamer. He’s always been.
Then He did it. He hung the moon. He brought light into darkness and created this beautiful world that surrounds me today. He set the waves in motion that would one day bring His dreams, inspirations, and desires to me. And now these waves flood my soul. I am swimming daily in an ocean of His grace. If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking. I am also struggling daily with how to allow His dreams to become my reality, His inspirations my actions, and His desires my passions. I continue to dream. I hope I always do. God, please let me stay a dreamer. My dreams bring hope. My dreams grow faith. My dreams keep my soul alive. And I’m trusting that He will guide my dreams into reality how HE sees fit versus how I see fit. Which means I may not ever have that grand home overlooking the bay and my kids my need to settle for a hammock from Target that hangs between two trees instead of that crazy floating contraption. But our home, no matter where it sits will be filled with love and laughter, and that hammock, well, we will climb right in and love it just the same. My dreams of giving will also be amended, I’m sure. He’s got bigger plans for giving than I could lay out and I look forward to seeing how He leads me and my Monkee Moms through this new journey we’ve begun. I’ve got to let the control be His and His alone.
What I need to keep focused on in all of my dreaming is the One who continues to bring light into my darkness. The One who hung that bright and shining moon. How awesome it is that from the beginning of time, I was on His mind…even as He hung the moon. We are dreamers, He and I. We’ve always been.
he hung the moon 