Take Joy this Christmas

We are so close to Christmas now and it’s always this time, just days before Christmas day, that I start to feel like I just want it to be over with. And I can’t find the energy to go to the store to pick up the missing ingredients so I scratch that dish completely and make something else to take to dinner. Will anyone care that I’m bringing scalloped sweet potatoes instead of potatoes au gratin with white potatoes? Will they think I’ve done something fancy and love it? Or will they see right through me and know I’ve taken the easy route? And why do I let stress take over just days before this wonderful celebration and allow “easy routes” to appear on this map to the manger?

I love this season of giving so much that I had the house decorated and Christmas music playing days before Thanksgiving. And yet here I am. Too much time spent on work instead of family. Too much energy spent on the list instead of the recipient. Too much focus spent on the one day on the 25th of this month to just get through instead of the rest our days, this current one included, as the true gift given to embrace.

Too much spent. Period. That sums me up. But I found this poem today and it couldn’t have come at a better time to remind us all that whatever we need this Christmas, we already have it.

As the inevitable stress creeps in in these last days before Christmas, and we find ourselves looking forward to it just being over, my wish is that we can take a step back, take a deep breath in, and take hold of the joy that lies waiting, within our reach. Merry Christmas.

Take Joy

There is nothing I can give you which you have not;
but there is much,
that, while I cannot give,
you can take.

No heaven can come to us unless our hearts find rest in it today.
Take Heaven.

No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present instant.
Take Peace.

The gloom of the world is but a shadow; behind it, yet, within our reach,
is joy.
Take Joy.

And so, at this Christmas time, I greet you, with the prayer that for you,
now and forever,
the day breaks
and
the shadows flee away.

–Fra Gio

Love wins. Rinse and repeat.

I stood in Target last night completely and utterly about to lose my mind on my four year old who would not stop with the “Hey Mommy, why are you picking up bananas?” and “Mommy, I want chocolate ice cream!” and “Mommy, Ellie is not sharing the gummy snacks!” and “Mommy, when are we leaving this place so we can go to the paaaaaarrrrrrk??” and IF I HEAR MOMMY ONE MORE TIME I’M GOING TO FLIP OUT SO CAN EVERYONE PLEASE JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!

The really unfortunate part of this situation was that Vaughn apparently can see into the future because before we left the house he asked if we could all wear our “monkey in bath robes” t-shirts (I’ve tried telling him they aren’t wearing bath robes, they are actually little monk monkeys, but he’s four and, frankly, monkeys in bath robes are just funnier to him). Anyway, the back of each of our t-shirts each have a saying: his says “we can do hard things”; Ellie’s says “we belong to each other”; and mine says “love wins”. In that moment of wanting to come completely unglued in the middle of Target I remembered I was wearing Love Wins on my back and if anyone saw me do what I really wanted to do, that would NOT be an example of love winning. My son’s shirt just taunted me all night long:

 

It’s like the pastors that won’t have church bumper stickers printed up for their members to place proudly on their cars. Because the one time that member with the sticker lets their rage go on the road to another driver, that other driver is going to be paying attention to the bumper sticker and make a note never to attend that church. I felt obligated to own up to what my shirt was proclaiming. And in that moment I hated that we were wearing these shirts (sorry, G). I really wished I was wearing a shirt that read “I’m a mom. I’ve had a hard day. My kids are driving me crazy. Please look the other way while I show them what crazy really looks like.”

And I don’t know why I did it but I turned my back to the kids and looked around. Desperate to find someone, anyone, that looked to be in the same crazy boat I was in. Filled with holes, water pouring in, sure to sink within seconds, and frantically trying to get the water out using a bucket riddled with cracks. And I found her. Not even 10 feet away from me.

Except that her boat looked nothing like mine. She was an older lady. Perfectly put together. No kids acting like complete maniacs at her side. And her eyes were peacefully set in their sockets while mine bulged out of my head looking like Ramona Singer of the RYONYC. This lady was reaching for a bag of coffee on the top shelf and wasn’t quite tall enough to get it. I stepped away from my chaos and asked if I could help. She smiled and let me. Then she said, “looks like you have your hands full today” and I laughed with a “oh, you have no idea.” She told me she was a young mom once with five (FIVE!!) children running around and knew these days well. I willed myself to absorb the love this woman was showing. Which is SO hard to do in a moment like that. But she kept talking. She said, “Love really does win, you know, just like your shirt says. Maybe not in this moment but in the end, it does.” By this point I had tears in my eyes and wanted to run but she continued. “Put those kids to bed and take yourself a bath. Wash the day away. They forget these moments of driving mommy crazy and you can start over. You just rinse and repeat.”

“Thank you” is all I got out and walked away. Still kinda wanting to scream at my kids (let’s be honest, even the kindness of that sweet woman wasn’t enough to erase the terror of these kids that are obviously suddenly insane and STILL FIGHTING OVER THE GUMMY SNACKS) but also kinda just wanting to remember that at some point love will win. Maybe not in this moment, but, in the end it will.

And so we left Target and went to the park.

And then I called a friend to say I am coming over whether you like it or not because I just can’t do the mom thing by myself right now. We need those kinds of friends that understand and don’t judge and let us show up unannounced then offer us chocolate cobbler. We need our Monkees.

So, in the end, love wins. Even in the moments when it doesn’t. At the end of the chain of moments that feel like there is no way in this hell I am going through that love can win, it really does.

Rinse and repeat.

No Matter What

“Love is patient, love is kind,” are some of the most beautiful words we can know. This simple phrase speaks of an ever-growing dimension of love and a not-always-easy lifestyle of graciousness—both of the small graces we impart and receive daily and of the deeper offerings of the soul that require only the truest of loves to give. The patience and kindness of love, when allowed to completely manifest within our attitudes and actions, stand the weight of the kindness scale amongst the ever present rages of this world, from the simple words in passing when sarcasm might be quick to speak, or the sharing of life on the most intimately connected levels, day after day and year after year. Our actions of love suggest a consistent, predictable offering of grace, a lifestyle of kind gestures and words, whether given to a passerby for only a second or to a friend for a lifetime in the extended day-by-day togetherness of life.

How bleak this world would be without those who practice small acts of kindness, small gestures of love. Worse yet, how desperate this world would be without those who know how to give from their souls, who are willing to walk through dark places with others, who comfort, who cheer, who connect, and those who hang in there by our side no matter what.

I’m so grateful for the “no matter what” people in my life.