Forgiveness is a funny thing. We all need it, no question about that. But sometimes it’s pretty hard to get, and often even harder to give. I walked into Vaughn’s room today to find the contents from his dresser drawers on the floor of his room. Every drawer was empty. And I knew if I told him to put all his clothes back in the dresser, he’d never get it right and we’d end up with t-shirts in the shorts drawer, pajamas in the sock drawer and the underwear would probably end up on the fan. So I sat down on the floor, made a bunch of unnecessary huffing noises and muttered on about why can’t I have that one 4 year old that beats the odds and acts like an adult while Vaughn, very wisely, stood just out of arms reach explaining that he was trying to find his Scooby dooby doo pajamas. Which, by the way, were sitting on his bed. The whole time.
So, I spent the next twenty minutes refolding his clothes and putting them all back in the drawers from whence they came. When I was done I went in to Ellie’s room to find her being instructed by Vaughn on how to make her Minnie and Mickey dance together. “He takes her by the hand and twirls her like this. They dance for a while, then she says, ‘Why thank you, kind sir’. Then he leaves her and they go home to their mommies”. Instant forgiveness. What pile of clothes? He’s going to leave his Minnie and come home to his mommy! Wanna go empty your dresser drawers again? I’ll help!
I wish forgiving people was always that easy. I’ve had times in my life when I needed big-time forgiveness from people. I’ve done some pretty stupid and reckless things without thought of consequence and then expected forgiveness to flow as easily as my actions had. Of course, there have been times when forgiveness was withheld, grace denied. But I’m thankful those times have been few. For the most part, I’ve felt the love of a forgiving heart and know all too well the power of a grace-filled touch. Yet, when I’m the one that was hurt, I have, at times, found myself questioning whether the one that wronged me is worthy of forgiveness. I’ve been the one denying grace and in the process have denied myself relief from anger and bitterness, somehow convincing myself that I was proving a point and giving them what they deserve by hanging on to the hurt, the resentment, the betrayal. Which, obviously, didn’t help me. It didn’t help the person that did me wrong. And, it certainly didn’t fix the situation.
There’s been a lot of anger floating around the media this week at Lance Armstrong. We all know by now that he finally came clean to years of performance-enhancing drug use, which fuelled him to victory seven times in a row in the Tour de France. And, not only did he cheat himself to these wins, he bullied others on his team into doing the same and fought hard, nasty battles against anyone that dared tell the truth about his drug use. His years-long, arrogant fight to maintain his “clean” stance ended up shattering lives, ruining reputations, betraying his family and friends, and cost him his stake in the Livestrong foundation he created and held as dear to his heart as he did his own children. He’s finally come out with the truth, and has taken the first steps on a very long journey of reconciliation.
There are great, heavy consequences coming his way. He likely will not make peace with many of the people he hurt. The US Anti-Doping Agency has banned him for life from all elite competitions, which means he can’t even run in a 5k race if it is a sanctioned sporting event, a big blow for a sportsman like Lance Armstrong. He’ll never carry a multi-million dollar endorsement deal again, and anything noteworthy that he does from here on out will be questioned by everyone around him, including his family. The guy has fallen and he’s fallen hard. But I can’t wrap my head around why he shouldn’t be worthy of the same forgiveness and grace that the rest of us receive daily. What he did was wrong on so many levels and there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that he failed a lot of people in big ways. But, he has stepped forward and admitted with great candor and openness what he did, why he did it, how he is working to better himself, and has said that he is sorry. Who are we to judge what he is sorry for? Sorry he got caught? Of course, aren’t we all sorry we got caught when we are found to have done something wrong? Sorry he cheated, lied, betrayed, bullied? I truly hope that he is. However, it’s not up to me to judge that. What is up to me is to be a giver of grace. Easy to say about a guy that I have no personal connection to, and whose actions never affected me directly. But this whole debacle has brought me to a moment of pause and reflection for forgiveness in my own life. The times I’ve needed it and the times I’ve needed to give it. And it’s helped me to realize that I withhold it far too often. I speak of forgiveness and grace like both flow freely to whomever crosses me but the truth is I can hold a grudge with the best of them if the mood strikes.
I wish we could all let it go. Throw a little grace in the ring to Lance and leave him alone. He’s got a ton of heavy stuff to deal with. Believe me, a little grace from the world isn’t going to make his life full of sunshine and rainbows but maybe, just maybe, it will help the dawn to begin to break for him and his family. Maybe if he didn’t have to read all these articles filled with disgust and retribution and how he “needs to pay” and “deserves every ounce of hard times coming his way” he’d be able to see the punishments that have been handed out (we do remember that he has already been punished, right?) as opportunities to better himself. And maybe if his children didn’t have to read all the nasty comments and hate-filled posts flying around the magazines and internet they could focus on a father that is taking steps to measure up to the man they deserve him to be.
Every action we take has a consequence. Some of these consequences are rewarding, while others are punishing. All are a result of what we’ve done; they are not a reflection of who we are. Lance Armstrong has made many mistakes in his life, as have I. And as a result of my mistakes, I have had many opportunities to show the people around me that what I did is not who I am and I am choosing to offer that same opportunity to him. Grace. Forgiveness. It’s not only what we need to receive; it’s, more importantly, what we need to give.
he hung the moon 